Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
