Swine flu. Run for my life!
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Two words: blizzard sex
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
