Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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