HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
