why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
