Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
