I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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