I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
