It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
