We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
