who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize