hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Also, beer. Big fan.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Randomize
