somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
