The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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