So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You were trust falling into bushes
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
