my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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