dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
