How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
