Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He told me they were just razor bumps!
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
