Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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