My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
