Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
