It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
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