gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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