It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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