My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
