I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
