So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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