in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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