TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
