What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
