he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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