i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
