College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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