Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
