Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
