She's JV to your varsity
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
