I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Come on in and take your pants off
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