Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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