Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
