I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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