If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
