Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
