You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
