Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
