Me. At least after what I've been through.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
