All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize