cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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