I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
