I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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