So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
