So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
