i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
i think im in europe. pls send help
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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