"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
