a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
This is the high leading the old right now
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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