I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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