hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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