you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
