He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
