this beer tastes like vomit already
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize