Plan B is the new Plan A
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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