Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
