This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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