You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
