I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
