Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
My vagina just recognized that song.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
