i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
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