Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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