just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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