My room smells like vodka and shame
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
