i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You made out with two different species that night
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
