chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
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