maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
