they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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