you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Randomize
