Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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