I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
