Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
