Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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