the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
