last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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