Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
