Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
