i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Randomize
