Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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