Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
