It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
