Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
