I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
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