he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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