I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
