just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
