you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
