I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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