Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Randomize
