Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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