my mouth tastes like poor choices
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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