bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
