Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
