she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Bring me that man meat
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
