I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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