if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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