so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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