im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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